Your dad touched me again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
