bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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