i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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