Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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