Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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