I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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