I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
