I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
