pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
