We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
