Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
