Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
