I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
