Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
