overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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