Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I sprained my soul last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
