we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
