All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
