she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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