i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
