I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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