i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
