these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
