"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it because I queefed?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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