I don't think brook has ever known best
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
