do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
