i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
