he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
