your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
