You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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