She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
