I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
