I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
