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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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