WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
