i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
