dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She bit a glass in half.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
