I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
