Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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