just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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