Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
