why didn't you poke me back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
