Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
