ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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