The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
