I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize