no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
