Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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