No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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