I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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