Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
