I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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