I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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