I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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