There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
