keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
