I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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