You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
