i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
