I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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