I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
