Cold hands, warm shart.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
