Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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