We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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