I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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