im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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