There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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