What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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