This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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