I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
