I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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