I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
