This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
