she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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