It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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