Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
